Animals are just like humans. For every loving one, there’s a jerk. A few months back, an animal shelter in Melbourne, Australia, went viral when they wrote a brutally honest personal ad for Mr. Biggles, a cat they described as “an utter utter utter bastard.”
And now, Denell McCaul from Clarksville, Michigan, has gone viral doing the same thing to get rid of her “jerk” rooster. McCaul, who owns several chickens, took to Facebook to try and get rid of the rooster, and her hilarious Facebook post has since gone viral.
“FREE to good home. Well, any home really. At this point I don’t give a shit what kind of home this inconsiderate jerk goes to: ASSHOLE ROOSTER.”
“He’s the perfect rooster if your alarm is broken and you need to be awake at 5:30 a.m. That is his only setting, 5:30. He has no snooze button but will be quiet just long enough for you to fall back to sleep and then he’ll start back up with his obnoxious cock-a-doodle-doing right outside of your windows. It’s like he knows where you sleep and can zone in on that particular window so maybe he has some sort of special x-ray vision where he can see sleeping people behind walls.”
“He is also a perfect rooster if you want to start running… around your yard… while you’re trying to get away from him. He no longer goes after me as he is also an instructor of interpretive dance. Or at least that’s what I imagine it looked like as I went after him flapping my arms, jumping up and down, kicking at him, yelling and screaming, and swinging a mop in his direction.”
“So, if you’re looking for an alarm clock with the only setting being 5:30 a.m., a personal trainer and a dance instructor, I have the perfect rooster that is able to fill all 3 of those positions FOR FREE! But you’re coming out to catch this asshole, I want to see your first interpretive dance lesson.”
The post, which has been shared over 65,000 times and attracted over 30,000 comments, doesn’t seem to have found any potential homes from the rooster just yet, but that’s probably because people are too busy laughing.
“So funny,” one commenter wrote. “Been there, didn’t mind the crowing but boy could he fight, and he never gave up. Had to carry my rooster stick with me every time I went in there. Knocked him out once, he got back up after a few seconds shook his head and I swear if he woulda had teeth he woulda been bearing them at me! I ran for my life!”