When we were kids, we were all cheeky and tried to get a raise from the tooth fairy. These are high quality teeth you’re providing, after all. $1 might have been enough for your parents, but with the rate of inflation, it doesn’t get you much these days. Reddit user Thoughtfulprof friend’s son recently decided to write to the tooth fairy to get a raise, and got this hilarious dose of reality…

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The note reads:

“My name is Dee Kay. My associate Tooth Fairy told me about your letter and I have been assigned to your case, #092208-5.” 

“We have removed our Plaques from the wall, going 3 years EWI (extraction without incident,) in order to focus and resolve this case. It looks as though we need to Brush Up on our extraction skills, and the going rate for teeth.”

“One thing we can agree on and haven taken into consideration, it was very bold of you to ask for more money. Since all your teeth have been cavity free we decided to increase your TPO (tooth pay out) by $1 for future extractions. This is with the stipulation the tooth is cavity free. Should you place a cavity filled tooth under your pillow you will receive a bill to cover our costs of flight travel. We cannot take CFT’s (cavity filled teeth) back with us.”

“Our CTO (central tooth officer) S. Cary Gums would shut down the DDD (Department of Dental Disturbance) if we even attempted to bring a CFT back, and that would mean no TPO’s for children anywhere. I know you wouldn’t want to be the cause of that.” 

“Thank you for reading our response to your letter. I am filing this case as closed.”

“Stay strong and brush on!”

“Dee Kay, Director of DDD.”

This will be your life before you know it, kid. Enjoy it while you can. Reddit found the note all too real, though. 

We can’t wait until he learns that he has to pay taxes on that.