Partygoers are pretty predictable. Even if you pride yourself on having a diverse group of friends, you can rest assured that all of the stereotypes will roll through your New Year’s Eve shindig at some point before the sun comes up. As much as you try to avoid it, you’ll undoubtedly have to face creepy drunk guys, girls who can’t walk in their shoes, and groups of friends who seriously feel like saying “hashtag squad goals” out loud is a good thing to do.
In honor of the new year, let’s round up everyone’s favorite holiday drunkards.
1. The guy who needs to have his fortieth beer for some reason.
2. The girl who dances her face off alone because she don’t even need a man.
3. The friends who can’t stop doing tequila shots and choose to unleash their drunken wrath on the citrus fruits they leave in their wake.
4. The idiot who shows up like this but definitely isn’t drunk at all.
5. The girl who wears a completely insane dress because it’s a New Year’s Eve party and if you can’t be tacky there, you can’t be tacky anywhere.
6. The person who truly believes that no one else is allowed to touch the queso.
7. The guy who can’t stop playing “Wonderwall” (and the absolute saint who puts an end to the madness).
8. The moron who drinks just enough beer to forget how toilet paper works.
9. The girl who started binge drinking at noon and will absolutely not see the ball drop.
10. The people who hated each other 15 minutes ago and are now saying how much they love each other’s hair in the bathroom line.
11. The girl who clearly bought those stilettos four hours ago but doesn’t think you’ll notice.
12. The guy who centers his entire night around waiting for the beat to drop and screams about it for three hours straight when it finally does.
13. And finally, the dude who brings up Donald Trump while everyone else is just trying to drink champagne and exist.
You can do everything in your power to bar these people from your New Year’s Eve party, but I assure you that they will still be there. They’ll crawl in through the windows if they have to (even if that means taking off their painfully ill-fitting pumps in the process).
